*This post first appeared at my former blog address on July 5, 2013
Every now and then I get complimented for advocating for my kids. It's a nice compliment and I am so grateful that my actions are not going unnoticed but at the same time I'm thinking to myself, why wouldn't I advocate for my kids? I'm their mom and it's my job. Plain and simple. It's what all moms do......or is it? (Note: I'm using the word Mom but it can be a Dad or Guardian.) The more I get complimented, the more I realize that their are a lot of moms who aren't advocating for their kids. Yet, a week doesn't go by that I don't hear a mom complain about the state of her child's education, her lack of understanding on her child's health concern, or something else the mom feels is out of her control. I put a lot of the blame on "Mommy Guilt". Society tells us we should parent a certain way, feed a certain way, educate a certain way, vaccinate a certain way. Guess what? You don't have to do any of those things the way society tells you. If you are in the U.S. and reading this, you have a plethora of options on how you raise your child. I honestly believe a lot of Moms do not realize that or if they do, they are too scared to make the leap for a variety of reasons ranging from fear of being made of by family and friends to downright laziness.
I know a lady who for years now has been approaching me about behavioral concerns with her child. At first I gave her my thoughts on the matter and told her how she could take the next step. She did nothing. She came back to me with the same concerns, almost as if we had never had that first conversation. I once again, reminded her of what I thought was going on and this time gave her websites for more info as well as phone numbers to therapists and our local early intervention agency. She did nothing. She continued to voice her concerns and I continued to remind her of her options. She continued to do nothing. Fast forward a couple years and the child is to old for early intervention and this mom is in turmoil over her child yet she continues to do nothing except talk to me about it. Finally I told her that I could not offer her anything else. She was a bit sheepish about that last response and has since gone from mom who didn't know what to do to help her child to now playing the victim. In her eyes, it's currently the schools fault because they are doing anything about it. Not one time did she fight for her child. During one of our conversations, I asked her why she wasn't seeking help for her child and her response was that she was afraid that he would be labeled.
Excuse me a moment while I go bang my head against a wall.
I've said it before and I'm going to say it again. Parents, get over yourselves and stop fearing a label. For now, I'm not going to go up on that soapbox other than to say this. A label can mean the difference between your child succeeding and your child failing developmentally, socially, and academically.
Then there is the mom who is sick every morning as she sends her kids off to school. She doesn't like the class size or how her child's learning style is being overlooked. She knows in her heart that she wants to homeschool but she never takes the leap. Why? Because she is afraid of what her family will think and afraid that she can't handle it with two toddlers also at home. Her doubts are preventing her from even attempting to make her dream a reality.
I know the mom who gave in to letting her child receive the MMR vaccine at a year old despite her doubts simply because she didn't educate herself and she trusted that everyone else knew what was best for her child. I know that mom because she is me. I'm not trying to start the Austim and vaccines debate here. I'm simply pointing out that I had an option and chose not to take it because I thought I had to do what everyone else said was right. Don't try and tell me parents aren't heavily pressured into vaccines to the point where they think it's illegal if they don't do them. (Note: If you try and start a vaccine debate in regards to this post, the comments will be deleted.)
Maybe you are reading this and realizing that you aren't advocating for your child but instead sitting back and being an observer just waiting for someone else to do the job for you. Well, no one else is going to do YOUR JOB so stop waiting.
1. Get over your fears. It doesn't matter what Aunt Susie and your best friend thinks or what your kid's school and friends think. This is your child.
2.. Educate yourself. There is this lovely search engine called Google. Even if you don't know where to start, type in your kids symptoms (ex: why does my child hate the seams in their clothing). Keep doing that until you start putting the pieces of the puzzle together. There are thousands upon thousands of websites and blogs out there about special needs, homeschooling, vaccinations, and all those other things that we deep down know we should be advocating for but are not sure how to do it. Don't forget to check your local library for books relating to your concerns. It's free, use it.
3.. Find people who you know have been in a similar situation with their child and ask them for more info about whatever it is you are fighting for. Then actually do something with that info!
4.. If you are concerned about your child's development or health, talk to your pediatrician. Also know that they don't have all of the answers. A good pediatrician will refer you to a specialist for that specific concern and if they don't, it's up to you to find the right specialist. Don't just give up because you don't know who to go to. This is when you go back to educating yourself and finding out who you need to see and how to get to them. It saddens me how unaware most parents are of early intervention services. I think EI's phone number should be plastered on every door in every pediatrician's office.
5. Voice your concerns. If you don't, no one can help you. If you don't like the lack of services your child receives at school, it's up to you to bring it up. If you do not tell your doctor that your little one isn't blabbing, how are they to know that you need an Early Intervention evaluation? Medical professional and teachers aren't mind readers.
6. Take action. If you've followed the first 5 steps, then you should have all the info you need to take the next step. Pick up the phone and call the specialists number. Order that homeschooling curriculum. Make an appt with your child's teacher to create a plan to help your child. Whatever it is you are fighting for, this is the time to go do it and go at it full force.
We are not victims, we are mothers and we are warriors.
I know a lady who for years now has been approaching me about behavioral concerns with her child. At first I gave her my thoughts on the matter and told her how she could take the next step. She did nothing. She came back to me with the same concerns, almost as if we had never had that first conversation. I once again, reminded her of what I thought was going on and this time gave her websites for more info as well as phone numbers to therapists and our local early intervention agency. She did nothing. She continued to voice her concerns and I continued to remind her of her options. She continued to do nothing. Fast forward a couple years and the child is to old for early intervention and this mom is in turmoil over her child yet she continues to do nothing except talk to me about it. Finally I told her that I could not offer her anything else. She was a bit sheepish about that last response and has since gone from mom who didn't know what to do to help her child to now playing the victim. In her eyes, it's currently the schools fault because they are doing anything about it. Not one time did she fight for her child. During one of our conversations, I asked her why she wasn't seeking help for her child and her response was that she was afraid that he would be labeled.
Excuse me a moment while I go bang my head against a wall.
I've said it before and I'm going to say it again. Parents, get over yourselves and stop fearing a label. For now, I'm not going to go up on that soapbox other than to say this. A label can mean the difference between your child succeeding and your child failing developmentally, socially, and academically.
Then there is the mom who is sick every morning as she sends her kids off to school. She doesn't like the class size or how her child's learning style is being overlooked. She knows in her heart that she wants to homeschool but she never takes the leap. Why? Because she is afraid of what her family will think and afraid that she can't handle it with two toddlers also at home. Her doubts are preventing her from even attempting to make her dream a reality.
I know the mom who gave in to letting her child receive the MMR vaccine at a year old despite her doubts simply because she didn't educate herself and she trusted that everyone else knew what was best for her child. I know that mom because she is me. I'm not trying to start the Austim and vaccines debate here. I'm simply pointing out that I had an option and chose not to take it because I thought I had to do what everyone else said was right. Don't try and tell me parents aren't heavily pressured into vaccines to the point where they think it's illegal if they don't do them. (Note: If you try and start a vaccine debate in regards to this post, the comments will be deleted.)
Maybe you are reading this and realizing that you aren't advocating for your child but instead sitting back and being an observer just waiting for someone else to do the job for you. Well, no one else is going to do YOUR JOB so stop waiting.
1. Get over your fears. It doesn't matter what Aunt Susie and your best friend thinks or what your kid's school and friends think. This is your child.
2.. Educate yourself. There is this lovely search engine called Google. Even if you don't know where to start, type in your kids symptoms (ex: why does my child hate the seams in their clothing). Keep doing that until you start putting the pieces of the puzzle together. There are thousands upon thousands of websites and blogs out there about special needs, homeschooling, vaccinations, and all those other things that we deep down know we should be advocating for but are not sure how to do it. Don't forget to check your local library for books relating to your concerns. It's free, use it.
3.. Find people who you know have been in a similar situation with their child and ask them for more info about whatever it is you are fighting for. Then actually do something with that info!
4.. If you are concerned about your child's development or health, talk to your pediatrician. Also know that they don't have all of the answers. A good pediatrician will refer you to a specialist for that specific concern and if they don't, it's up to you to find the right specialist. Don't just give up because you don't know who to go to. This is when you go back to educating yourself and finding out who you need to see and how to get to them. It saddens me how unaware most parents are of early intervention services. I think EI's phone number should be plastered on every door in every pediatrician's office.
5. Voice your concerns. If you don't, no one can help you. If you don't like the lack of services your child receives at school, it's up to you to bring it up. If you do not tell your doctor that your little one isn't blabbing, how are they to know that you need an Early Intervention evaluation? Medical professional and teachers aren't mind readers.
6. Take action. If you've followed the first 5 steps, then you should have all the info you need to take the next step. Pick up the phone and call the specialists number. Order that homeschooling curriculum. Make an appt with your child's teacher to create a plan to help your child. Whatever it is you are fighting for, this is the time to go do it and go at it full force.
We are not victims, we are mothers and we are warriors.
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