All over the spectrum....before lunch time.

I'm going to rewind back a couple months.

Every year, there is an event here that raises money for our local children's hospital. Basically they turn the convention center into a winter wonderland full of twinkling trees, Christmas music, shopping booths, rides, crafts, and Santa Claus. It really is a spectacular sight and it's understandable why Saha anxiously looks forward to the event. This is the first year that Bot has expressed interest in going, most likely because his sister talks about it so much and he figured he absolutely needed to see what this wonderland of Christmas trees is all about. Prepared with a stroller, Nana, Saha, Bot, and I decided it would be best if we showed up to the convention center right when the door opened. It turned out to be the best decision simply because there was no one there yet. Bot wasn't bothered by the giant dimmed room but instead was joyfully immersed into the twinkling fantasy land. By the end of that first hour however, things changed drastically. The convention center began to get more and more crowded. The myriad of craft booths became overwhelming for him. The dimmed lights, the sights, the smells, the music.....it all became too much and he shut down in a way I have never seen him do. My heart broke for him. One minute he was so happy but then the next, all of that enjoyment was ripped away from him. During that first hour, he rode the carousel and enjoyed every second. When Saha wanted to ride it a second time, he was in another realm. I took away from the main aisle while she rode. He was oblivious to the fact that she was on the carousel because he was curled up in a little ball, ears and eyes covered, rocking back and forth. To anyone who passed by us, there was no mistaking that this was not a typical little boy. Some people gave me a sad smile and others looked down at him then quickly looked away.

Bot can be so high functioning and then the next minute, he's so Autistic. Unless witnessed firsthand, most people do not understand how he can be all over the spectrum.

This winter wonderland event is undoubtedly one of the highlights of Saha's year. She talks about it for 12 months until she gets to go again. She talks about it more than her birthday and Christmas combined. It is her favorite thing yet for Bot, it turned into his worst nightmare. This is when Autism makes me mad. It makes me mad that something that is supposed to be so enjoyable for children is geared towards the neurotypical. I find it ironic too, that it's a benefit for our local children's hospital, the same one that provided Bot with incredible therapies until the age of three. I love our children's hospital and love supporting it but I wish that the creators of this fundraiser would take into account so many of the children that hospital cares for and would give them an extra couple hours of joy....just for them. Open it a couple hours early or even a night early so that families of special needs kids can go without fighting the crowd. Let these kids feel the same sort of joy that my "typical" daughter gets to experience.

I know it's a longshot but it is something that's been on my mind frequently since that day a few months ago. I  just want to see my little boy experience the same sort of joy as his sister.

This was taken during the first hour. Pure joy on his face (and his sister's and Nana's).

Usually he doesn't enjoy crafts. He was pretty excited to try one out.

 Then it got crowded and this happened.

This was the best way he could figure out how to hide. So sad.